You Will Be Happy

Nyathiwa,

There are many things I will hope to teach you. Many things I will hope you learn. I will try but you will be your mothers’ daughter. You will learn that which you choose yourself to learn. Many times I will want to break you, I will forget how much you reflect me.  You are my own, you will be stubborn and in the same way, you will be kind, you will thoughtful (and i hope you quickly learn that in itself puts you in danger of being wrung dry, e careful Nnwa), a kind heart with a sharp tongue. You will have an innocence many will not understand. For this and more, you will owe no explanation. But you will owe compassion and you will give respect – because you are mine.

 

When you take the kind of turns that make you want to crawl down a hole and die. Do not crawl. Do not die. With the sun will come new news. Do not burn in shame what you will need to dance again.

 

The shock and the disappointment of having no one by your side when you battle will first sting, then slowly blur. You will boil over, then you will calm and realise it was no one else’s fight anyway. And you will fight. Many times, you will win and many times you will fail. That is how it is.

 

I have learnt that to hold that which burns you with clenched fists will not stop the fire. I pray you learn it sooner. I am afraid of what I will fail to teach you more than what you will fail to learn.

 

I know you will watch me. I know in many ways, you will become your mother. Be wise in what you take from me. Some dyes were cast before I realised they were. And for you, I would wish for different patterns.

 

Always smile. Always be happy. I learnt that from my mother. I pray you learn it from me too but I cannot say that you will. Life has been good and also strange to me and with it, i lost pieces of my soul you will not get to see. I will have dark days but the yellow will always return. When it does, bask in it, suck it in. for when the clouds will gather, I will see it still shining in your eyes and you will save me from myself.

You will find true friendships, you will find true love. Do not worry over things that are yours. They are yours, you will not beg or wait for them to come because they are already there.

 

You will be happy. Wherever you find happiness, wherever you find laughter and joy, drink it in. For us both and for your own, drink. 

 © Ang’asa Malowa

 

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Take a Chance

pic from mummymoo.com

pic from mummymoo.com

let’s call this lesson #1 🙂 : Taking Chances

A year ago, as part of a society in campus i was asked if i’d like to be a mentor to some 2nd year students in our group. See, i was in my fourth and last year and who best to dish out some guidance here and there than a seniour? I hadn’t seen it all but i had lived there longer…plus I wasn’t given much time to make up my mind and i only had to meet them up once a week so i thought, why not? Try everything once right? In retrospect, that was one of the best decisions i have ever made.

I wasn’t the always out there kind of girl. Yes, i’m fun to hang out with and all but i hadn’t really mingled much in our circle. So there i was, on day one of this ‘mentoring journey’, with about twenty guys crammed into my campus room and snacks and drinks laid out on the side table. Yes, you got it right, 15 guys showed up (I’d invited 5 friends to help me raid the spread just incase no one showed up hehe). Who does that?!!! Shows up for a first meeting at a ‘strangers’ place and tags along 14 more people? I hadn’t even decided if i was really into it and here they were; 15 hearts looking up and waiting to hear what i had to say…i freaked out. The good thing about first meetings though is there’s always introductions to be done and snacks to be passed out so i was safe.

I remember at the end of it i told them that i wasn’t the most affectionate of people. I wasn’t about to track all their moves, advice them on every turn, beat them up for every mistake or call them up every week to remind them of the meet or check up on how this and that was going. I was learning alot myself and all i could offer was my time, the much love i could muster and stories of what i felt they should know about. I told them i didn’t expect or want them to be like me, but i hoped at the end of this, they’d better at being them. Deep down i hoped i’d scared them off. 20 guys showed up for the meet the next week.

Flash forward to here and now and i can say that i made some really good friends through those meets. Some of them still call up once in a while and everytime they do, they pump in some more yellow in my days. I’ll never forget that for my 23rd birthday, they threw me a belated party and each got a chance to say something before we cut the cake. The beauty of those words still grace my heart and i have seen lots of what was spoken into this life come to pass.

I almost missed out on all that because i was afraid to take the chance, to let someone, or 20, be a part of my life. I can only hope what we talked about those many meets ago somehow fanned a flame in them that burns today. Even if it didn’t, it was not because i didn’t try. I took a chance, and if i was to go back in time a year ago today, i’d take it again.

Take a chance won’t you? 🙂