You Will Be Happy

Nyathiwa,

There are many things I will hope to teach you. Many things I will hope you learn. I will try but you will be your mothers’ daughter. You will learn that which you choose yourself to learn. Many times I will want to break you, I will forget how much you reflect me.  You are my own, you will be stubborn and in the same way, you will be kind, you will thoughtful (and i hope you quickly learn that in itself puts you in danger of being wrung dry, e careful Nnwa), a kind heart with a sharp tongue. You will have an innocence many will not understand. For this and more, you will owe no explanation. But you will owe compassion and you will give respect – because you are mine.

 

When you take the kind of turns that make you want to crawl down a hole and die. Do not crawl. Do not die. With the sun will come new news. Do not burn in shame what you will need to dance again.

 

The shock and the disappointment of having no one by your side when you battle will first sting, then slowly blur. You will boil over, then you will calm and realise it was no one else’s fight anyway. And you will fight. Many times, you will win and many times you will fail. That is how it is.

 

I have learnt that to hold that which burns you with clenched fists will not stop the fire. I pray you learn it sooner. I am afraid of what I will fail to teach you more than what you will fail to learn.

 

I know you will watch me. I know in many ways, you will become your mother. Be wise in what you take from me. Some dyes were cast before I realised they were. And for you, I would wish for different patterns.

 

Always smile. Always be happy. I learnt that from my mother. I pray you learn it from me too but I cannot say that you will. Life has been good and also strange to me and with it, i lost pieces of my soul you will not get to see. I will have dark days but the yellow will always return. When it does, bask in it, suck it in. for when the clouds will gather, I will see it still shining in your eyes and you will save me from myself.

You will find true friendships, you will find true love. Do not worry over things that are yours. They are yours, you will not beg or wait for them to come because they are already there.

 

You will be happy. Wherever you find happiness, wherever you find laughter and joy, drink it in. For us both and for your own, drink. 

 © Ang’asa Malowa

 

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Sunny Streaks

When i was little, i loved watching my brothers show me how to burn up paper in the sun with a magnyfying glass. To the ‘mini-me’, they were pure genious! 🙂 Fast forward to high school and then i knew it wasn’t really them (haha!) , it was that piece of glass so made that it could focus the sunlights energy onto one spot long enough to burn it up. So what is this rambling all about? 1. Having big brothers is awesome 🙂 and 2. Focus makes all the difference. 🙂

Focus is what happens when you’re stuck in the whirl wind that is growing up and despite all the blurrs in the spin cycle, you can see the colors. It takes real effort to stop thinking, wishing, hoping, fearing…and just see, enjoy the colors the season brings.

Growing pains can turn you into a worry freak because half the time, we’re trying to figure out what equation will be a win. The true and sad part it, i obsess over these equations so much i missed a chunk of the seasons highlights. I’ve always been a sucker for memories, hence the photographying addiction haha!, but this time even i did not have time left to spare to make some…lost focus on what lifes worth really is : Love, Joy, Peace. I mean we gotta and will work, have careers and all but it doesn’t have to be a trade right? We can chose to have them all 🙂

So now that i know the blurs make my vision too dark and dreary, i’m choosing to focus. Focus each days sunny streaks to etch a little love, a little joy, a little peace on my script  amidst all that is; irrespective of all that is.

Growing up doesn’t have to mean we have to give up living life. Now i know. I don’t really know how that will work long term but for now, for each day, i choose to bask and smile through this season. It may not always be sunny but there’s always some sunny streaks somewhere 🙂 I’ll focus on my sunny streaks.

Have a sunny day won’t you 😉