You Will Be Happy

Nyathiwa,

There are many things I will hope to teach you. Many things I will hope you learn. I will try but you will be your mothers’ daughter. You will learn that which you choose yourself to learn. Many times I will want to break you, I will forget how much you reflect me.  You are my own, you will be stubborn and in the same way, you will be kind, you will thoughtful (and i hope you quickly learn that in itself puts you in danger of being wrung dry, e careful Nnwa), a kind heart with a sharp tongue. You will have an innocence many will not understand. For this and more, you will owe no explanation. But you will owe compassion and you will give respect – because you are mine.

 

When you take the kind of turns that make you want to crawl down a hole and die. Do not crawl. Do not die. With the sun will come new news. Do not burn in shame what you will need to dance again.

 

The shock and the disappointment of having no one by your side when you battle will first sting, then slowly blur. You will boil over, then you will calm and realise it was no one else’s fight anyway. And you will fight. Many times, you will win and many times you will fail. That is how it is.

 

I have learnt that to hold that which burns you with clenched fists will not stop the fire. I pray you learn it sooner. I am afraid of what I will fail to teach you more than what you will fail to learn.

 

I know you will watch me. I know in many ways, you will become your mother. Be wise in what you take from me. Some dyes were cast before I realised they were. And for you, I would wish for different patterns.

 

Always smile. Always be happy. I learnt that from my mother. I pray you learn it from me too but I cannot say that you will. Life has been good and also strange to me and with it, i lost pieces of my soul you will not get to see. I will have dark days but the yellow will always return. When it does, bask in it, suck it in. for when the clouds will gather, I will see it still shining in your eyes and you will save me from myself.

You will find true friendships, you will find true love. Do not worry over things that are yours. They are yours, you will not beg or wait for them to come because they are already there.

 

You will be happy. Wherever you find happiness, wherever you find laughter and joy, drink it in. For us both and for your own, drink. 

 © Ang’asa Malowa

 

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3 thoughts on “You Will Be Happy

  1. This article captures my thoughts, dreams and imagination. I have written letters to my daughter yet I haven’t met her father. I imagine what she’d look like, what she’d sound like, if she’ll have my sense of humor…the list is long. I’m glad I have a friend whose a little like me, it goes to show I’m pretty ”Normal”
    This is a great read!

    • Thanks Emma, will be stuck on her for a minute, stop by sometime for another 🙂

      Would love to see her read them someday… and yes, we’re pretty normal 😉

  2. this is what Ill sing to my kids..
    “I Hope You Dance”
    I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
    You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
    May you never take one single breath for granted,
    GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
    I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
    Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
    Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
    And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
    I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
    I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
    Never settle for the path of least resistance
    Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
    Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
    Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
    When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
    Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
    And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
    I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
    I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
    (Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
    Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
    I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
    Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
    Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
    And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
    Dance….I hope you dance.
    I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
    I hope you dance….I hope you dance..
    (Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
    Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)

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