So… going through my old journal i found this:

“Can you hear the melodies of this life within the storms?

Can you feel the love warming up your heart inspite of rain?

Can you see the stars behind the clouds…

the joy beneath the pain?

If you can’t see these…just see me”

It wasn’t dated but i guess its from a couple of years back. What i do remember, was that it was supposed to be a song (I’ve had the tune stuck in my mind all day) but it was too short and i couldn’t come up with another verse so i shelved it.
I couldn’t have stumbled upon it at a better time though because the growing pains had gotten a little out of hand. I’d just had one of those blue weeks where there’s not even a hint of yellow no matter how hard you try to ‘carry your own sunshine’ (which is my fav quote btw) and was just about to run off and scream. I kinda did that, in my head haha! and it felt so much better.
Then i took some time off and read up; that’s when i found this. For the first time in a long time, i listened. I wasn’t seeing any joy or any stars; heck, i wasn’t seeing anything but blues and grays. So i took my own advive and saw Him…stared angrily rather haha. I looked long enough to have Him take my anger, my pain, the fatigue and the ‘aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghs!!!’ bottled up inside. I looked long enough to see Him and though it wasn’t the easiest hour i’d spent that day, it was worth it.

Its a little brighter now, the yellow’s streaming back into my days. I’m sure this will not be the last of this depression; next time will be better though. I know where to look, i know who to see.

ps: just incase you’re wondering, the ‘Him’ i’m seeing, that’s Jesus. He’s the one person that manages to unclog my system…maybe because He’s the only one that always there just when my system crashes 🙂 Don’t know what i would do without Him.

© Ang’asa Malowa


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