“I just want to be grown up. I don’t want to go through the process of getting there.” Just bumped into this reading through a post on thedomesticfringe.com and though, ‘yep!that pretty much sounds like me’.
This week has been harder than most because i’ve been asked too many questions i have no logical answer to. They’re something along the lines of ‘what are your goals, where do you see yourself in x years and what do you plan to do next…’ and honestly, i haven’t figured much of that out yet. Reading back on this statement on most days leaves me feeling lazy…like i should be doing something that i’ve not yet started and fast. But today, its just an honest confession of a tired, somewhat confused heart.
I don’t have the answers yet. This doesn’t mean i haven’t given thought to the future just that i’m still finding out what it is i want to be and do henceforth..i haven’t started on the how part yet (ha ha!) but i have a few ideas and i think that’s okay. Its okay that i’m having doubts and fears,concerns and too many options to pick from. Its even okay that i haven’t figured out much of this yet. I think its okay…life wasn’t meant to be thought through in a day right?
I’m in a season where i’m still finding out what is out there for me, what paths are available for me to take and i believe i’m probably not the only one that’s been here. Truth is, i dont wanna miss out on the sights because i was hunched down on the drawing board half the time. So i’m gonna take a deep breath and fight the urge to get into a panic-y frenzy over what i do not know and have not figured out. Whoever said living by/in faith = having a how/when to manual right?
Today i’m a little insecure, a little confused and a bit flustered and angry that i don’t have a complete game plan. Today, i choose to take a deep breath and trust. Trust that time will reveal more detais of this journey that is my life. Trust that He makes all things beautiful in His time. Trust that i need to learn the art of waiting…and breathing without the aid of a brown paper bag 🙂 Then tomorrow, i’ll try thinking it through some more.
Am i there yet…? I wish i was but then again, i’m glad i’m not for this mist will clear and there will be a beautiful sight to see. Till it does, i will turn on my flash light, pull up my collar and walk real slow so i don’t trip or fall. Walk real slow till the sun comes out and makes things clear again.
ps: I know He watches over the Sparrow…and I know He watches over me 🙂